I have been complimented for my weight several times recently, and instead of feeling good about myself or appreciating the compliment, I find myself offended. Why? Isn’t it every woman’s wish to feel good about her body and to be accepted by society? As someone who used to have an eating disorder, you'd think I would cling to such comments; that I would be proud that I look thin and that someone noticed it. But I’m not proud and those comments don’t make me feel better about myself. Instead, I’m angry. Why are we celebrating women for being thin?! I hope you read that with emphasis because if I were talking instead of typing, I would be clapping each word. The culture of empowering women has come a long way. I’m proud to be in a generation of women supporting women, but so many times we miss the mark. I hope you don’t misunderstand my point here. I know the women who gave me those compliments were doing so to be kind! They genuinely meant to compliment me, but I don’t think we *all women* realize the toxicity of those words. Say in six months or two years I gain some weight back. I probably won’t get those compliments now that I’m not as thin. I will start to feel less than and doubt my beauty or doubt my worth, and that is NOT women celebrating women. We need to shift our narrative. Yes, I say we because I’m a fault too of giving well intended, but shallow compliments. Instead of saying, “You’re so thin!” maybe say, “Wow, you look great!” Change “Omg you’re so skinny” to “You look really healthy and happy." We have to change our perspective and stop assuming a person's health based on what their body looks like. Let’s celebrate feeling good!
In case you didn’t know, a number on a scale is just that- a number on a scale. I used to compulsively weigh myself, multiple times a day. Tracking my food and tracking the pounds, but guess what? Seeing a smaller number on my scale didn’t make me feel better. I wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t happy. I haven’t owned a scale since and I don’t plan to own one any time soon. Yes, I have lost weight recently, but I couldn’t tell you how much I weigh. I’ve been taking care of my body inside and out. I try to watch what I eat but I’m not obsessive about it. I still eat ice cream far too often but I also indulge in my favorite veggies. It’s all about balance. I’m not going to the gym, but I get up and move my body every day. I go for walks almost every day and occasionally I’ll go for a run. I have a toddler so I’m up chasing him, being silly, dancing, and building forts. There is no formula for weight loss. Find ways to move that make you happy. Pay attention to what you eat, but don’t punish yourself for eating “junk” food. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point of being comfortable in my skin. And believe me there are still so many times where I put on an outfit and it doesn’t fit right and those negative thoughts creep back in. But I am a work in progress. Yes, my legs have curves, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to change something that won’t ever really change (at least not in a healthy way). It’s how I am made. I can tone my legs; I can walk and run and move to make them feel strong. So instead of being critical, I am thankful for my legs because they take me places. They allow me to run around with my son. They allow me to walk in the woods, bend down and crawl into pillow forts. Right now I’m learning to be gracious with my tummy. Tummies are tricky little areas that most women struggle with. I would love to tighten up that lower belly area, but in the mean time, I am learning to love my tummy. My squishy, jiggly belly adorned with stretch marks that I am so incredibly thankful for. My body allowed me to grow and nurture and birth life! Guess what? When I bend over I get a fold in my stomach because I have skin and muscles (and fat) that allow me to move! Without that I couldn’t bend over and play with my son. Life is too short to hate the skin you’re in; to squeeze into spanks and suck it in. Love your body, because it’s YOURS and you can’t get another, and speak kindly to her as you become your thoughts.
I want to briefly comment on the flip side of this attitude. I’ve seen some women (especially plus size women) go to the extreme of being proud of their curvy figures. I admire their confidence of wearing a bikini with big thighs and jiggly arms and their “this is me” attitude. Like, YES DIVA QUEEN BE PROUD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! But I don’t think we should praise where we’re at (cellulite and all), and stop there. I believe we should always strive to become better versions of ourselves. Yes, be proud of where you’re at! But don’t stop there. Continue to work towards feeling healthy inside and out. And celebrate the process! Because you will never fully “arrive” at your goal. You may lose some weight, but then you’ll want to tone your arms. So you tone your arms, then you’ll want to improve your skin. I don’t say that to be negative or discourage you from trying. I say that to be realistic. To understand that you will never “arrive” but that is the beauty of it; it’s a journey! So enjoy the process. Be kind to yourself and to others. Remember to stop playing the comparison game because we are all beautifully different (thank God), and a person's body does not equate to their health. Let’s lift up all forms of beauty and feeling healthy!
p.s. I strongly recommend taking some b&w photos of yourself. You don't have to post them anywhere, but show some self-love, and allow yourself to feel confident and empowered.
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